Knights, Camera, Action!

Trinity 2023

When an ethereal forest spirit enlists a hapless theatre troupe to seek out the Holy Grail, it initially seems too good to be true – a chance to prove themselves as heroes, save an endangered forest, and get their hands on an infinite supply of chocolatey goodness? What a steal!

But who are the mysteriously monosyllabic knights blocking their path at every turn? Is the Wicked Witch of the Woods really all she claims to be? And can freelance villainy ever renounce its predestined future in favour of forging its own path? Answers (not necessarily to these questions, but, y’know, just general answers) can only be found in one place – Act 2 of OULES’s Trinity term play, “Knights, Camera, Action!”

But, uh… Please come to Act 1 as well. You might miss a lot of important context if you don’t.

Money raised:

£324

Charities:

Recording coming soon!

Cast

The BIRDS

Artie

Worcester

"Quid pro quo, bish bash bosh"

Lance

"Wide V or tight V"

Gwen

St Hildas

"We all have priorities in life, but Taylor Swift…"

Gwayne

Balliol

"Hundred million trillion money"

Gareth

Magdalen

"She should doubt her choices, they were really bad"

Percy

St Hugh's

"You should only lick me"

The Developers

Green

St Anne's

"Queer coded Disney villain"

Knight

Oriel

"Master has presented Dobby with a Glock"

Moore

Corpus Christi

"I was impressed but I'm too tired to smile"

Dredd

Merton

"Don't introduce yourself backwards"

The Lackeys

Cass

Magdalen

"I play Lance a-lot"

Nova

St Anne's

"I've got pictures of a weird fold"

The Magic Wielders

Morgan

St Anne's

"You need to be put in a box"

Morgeuse

Wadham

"Raps nostalgically"

Lesgeuse

St Anne's

"Those witches are cucks"

Mervin

St Anne's

"Bell curve of failure"

The Miscellany

Alexa

Queen's

"I won't know unless someone points"

Siri

Pembroke

"Casual sub fusc vibes"

Cortana

"You don't get the grail if you say piss"

Mrs Kingfisher

St Anne's

"If only the church had stopped us"

The Knights who say:

Yes

Univ

"Ice cream is a rock"

"I can't be diagonal"

It's Complicated

St Anne's

"You have asked, unfortunately, the wrong question"

Neigh

"Basically set dressing"

Crew

Direction

Directors

Pembroke

"Paul, can you die over there?"

Corpus Christi

"Flow in and clot when you get to the middle"

Assistant Directors

Regent's Park

"Gay it up or straight it up"

Magdalen

"Women, am I right?"

Writing

Writer

"Eager to learn the context for all these other quotes"

Script Editors

St Anne's

"Speaking of slay af"

St Anne's

"I don't feel much excitement"

St Anne's

"Cringe is like camp"

Production

Production Manager

Magdalen

"Did I stutter?"

Stage Manager

Univ

"I don't bow to others, they bow to me"

Costume Manager

Magdalen

"I've never been real in my life"

Production Assistants

"Guns, the blunt man's locksmith"

St Anne's

"I might be dumb"

Weather Coordinator

Corpus Christi

"I went through a cadaver phase"

Sound Technician

Balliol

"No size preference"

Marketing

Marketing Manager

Balliol

"You could frolic at Baker Street"

Marketing Assistants

Univ

"Gotta account for the tits"

St Anne's

"Vaguely fruity"

Graphic Designer
Alex Gunn

"Your analysis is fluff"

Additional Design

Magdalen

"Stand on their toes, jump up and down"

Photography

Balliol

"Not slay bro"

Music

Music Director

St Anne's

"Grow a second vocal tract"

Assistant Music Director

St Anne's

"Suitably heterosexual"

Choreographer

Oriel

"Grease you later"

Saxophonist
Emily Walker

"Missed the all day for Harry Styles"

Pianist

St Anne's

"Sexual tension needs to build up to something"

Guitarist

St Anne's

"Everyone needs a little arson in their life"

Other

Welfare Officer

Jesus

"I'd rather be a lesbian"

Venue Liaison

Pembroke

"Keep it greasy"

St Anne's

"Alkaline bogs anonymous"

Drinks Coordinator

LMH

"When are rehearsals again?"

Songs

BIRDS of a Feather

St Hilda's

"Folksy is involuntary"

Morgeuse in the Heuse

Oriel

"They don't have exams the spiders"

St Anne's

"Slayblades, let it drip"

Defying Prophecy

"I think I'll try defying copyright"

Spontanei-tea

Univ

"Please let me write sodomy"

St Anne's

"Cheers big beardy bossman"

Love Triangles

St Anne's

"Tastes Vaguely fruity"

Final Song

Magdalen

"Hive mind triangle"

St Anne's

"Anything for you Patrick"

St Anne's

"All I heard is just an ominous thump"