Treasure Island

A Piractical Pantomime

Michaelmas 2023

Carrie Hawking’s money woes seem to be at an end when she comes across a map leading to buried treasure – but she’s reckoned without the interference of Long John Silver and his band of scoundrels, not to mention Medium Joan Silver’s fight for recognition in the male-dominated pirate profession. Can a lovestruck fairy, a group of dockyard urchins, and an anthropomorphic parrot save the day?

Money raised:

TBA

Charity:

Trailer

Cast

The Hawkings

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Carrie

St Anne's

"I'm going to need some lessons in boob manipulation"

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"Turns blood to wilk"

vincent
Jem

Lincoln

"Carrie so submissive and breedable"

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Jam

LMH

"Can I touch your boobs later?"

The Villagers

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Squire Trelawney

Balliol

"Why do you look so afraid Max?"

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Tilly

Worcester

"I don't have a problem with daddy"

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Doctor Livesey

St Anne's

"Different types of daddy issues"

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Barney

St Anne's

"False imprisonment, at the very least."

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Bill Bailiff

Oriel

"Princess and furry, the two genders"

The Pirates

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Long John Silver

Wadham

"Seamen sommelier"

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Medium Joan Silver

Keble

"Do I want Steve or piss?"

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Mee

St Catz

"Personally I'm not pathetic, but I'm an ally"

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Potts

St Anne's

"Back in the closet"

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Hands

St Anne's

"Star crossed twinks"

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Luke

Merton

"Wages? That’s… kind of cool."

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Jane

Magdalen

"I love dead bodies"

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Jenny

Oriel

"In this world, it's peg or be pegged"

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Izzy

St Peter's

"Incompetents anytime"

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Sally

Trinity

"You don't know how wild my dreams are"

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Jo

Magdalen

"It's so hard for me to stop slaying"

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Jacky

"Warwick is bendable"

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Captain Billy Bones

Wadham

"Have I been stabbed?"

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Captain Small

"You like cadaver? I don't blame you​"

The BATS

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Peter

Oriel

"The B in LGBT stands for box step"

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Pepper

Mansfield

"Dogging is not in the BATS constitution"

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Posie

Keble

"The most rancid looking courgette"

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Piper

Corpus Christi

"I'm doing hips and breasts"

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Pickle

St Anne's

"I've got flesh on the brain"

The Magical Beings

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Fairy Liquid

Pembroke

"Insert groan"

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Fairy Cake

LMH

"What's the point in driving if you're not drinking"

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Polly

Corpus Christi

"Finger sniffin' good"

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Millie the Mermaid

Wadham

"Give me the money"

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Ghoulie

"Scream after you bust"

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Ghostie

Univ

"You transparent waste of ectoplasm"

Crew

Direction

Director

Univ

"Silence in the cupboard"

Assistant Directors

Oriel

"God knows we wouldn't want to be accused of bestiality"

St Anne's

"We're not the French!!"

Writing

Writer

"Exeunt, pursued by a parrot"

Script Editors

St Anne's

"When I say 'straight man' I'm never talking about sexuality"

LMH

"Gotta bring patriarchy back to Barbieland"

Magdalen

"That's long"

Production

Producer

Balliol

"In the hall of the Condiment King"

Production Manager

Pembroke

"Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's that sickly glow"

Production Assistants

St Anne's

"Really excited to be threatened with swords"

LMH

"That request is so f*cking reasonable"

Regent's Park

"Sad squelch of a fool"

Stage Manager

"My blood is definitely cheaper than Dave's"

Assistant Stage Manager
Rosie Robinson

"The big strong lesbian"

Co-Tech Directors

Corpus Christi

"The wine looks like water and the champagne looks like piss"

Univ

"I'll try to say something funny"

Costume Designer

Corpus Christi

"Dungeon Mummy"

Marketing

Marketing Manager

Balliol

"Jesus says eat chips"

Marketing Assistants

"Twink gremlin over here"

St Anne's

"Oh to be a pigeon"

Trailer Director/Editor

"You're my slutty mummy"

Graphic Designer

St John's

"Making moves on the topic of torture"

Music

Music Director

Keble

"Sopranos don't get the D"

Assistant Music Directors

St Anne's

"Your mum's got a right pair of Peaky Blinders"

St Anne's

"Can hit that note so well that it hits right back"

Choreographer

St Hugh's

"Can they clump"

Fight Choreographer

"I always wanted glittery tits"

Pianist

St Anne's

"The piss de resistance"

Accordionist

St Hugh's

"I've unsubscribed from autism"

Other

Make-up Artist

Corpus Christi

"All I've done today is make tits"

Welfare Officer

Jesus

"The real STI was the friends we made along the way"

Venue Coordinator

St Anne's

"Are you anything but a drunk?"

Songs

Yo Ho Hoes

St Anne's

"Have you heard of this thing called choking"

What about Anne Bonny

St Anne's

"We need to add more slay to it"

Keble

"Might as well just whack"

The Parrot-y

"The same notes, except different"

A Pirate's Life for Me

St Anne's

"Even more frantic and deranged than usual"

The Rescue Song

LMH

"I always just thought of Carrie as a birthing entity"

Lincoln

"Mommy jokes are always a possibility "

Selena Wang
Stormy Weather

"It's either guts or bones"

A Map After Midnight

Univ

"How many of the pirates have souls?"

"Just stop talking"

Tinker-belle of the Ball

Keble

"Who needs the French"

The Final Song

LMH

"It's beneath you"