Treasure Island

A Piratical Pantomime

Michaelmas 2023

Carrie Hawking’s money woes seem to be at an end when she comes across a map leading to buried treasure – but she’s reckoned without the interference of Long John Silver and his band of scoundrels, not to mention Medium Joan Silver’s fight for recognition in the male-dominated pirate profession. Can a lovestruck fairy, a group of dockyard urchins, and an anthropomorphic parrot save the day?

Money raised:

£1501

Charity:

Recording

Trailer

Cast

The Hawkings

Carrie

Connor Craig

St Anne's

"I'm going to need some lessons in boob manipulation"

Jim

Max Northcott

"Turns blood to wilk"

Jem

Vincent Chen

Lincoln

"Carrie so submissive and breedable"

Jam

Jenny Sloyan

LMH

"Can I touch your boobs later?"

The Villagers

Squire Trelawney

Freddie Houlahan

Balliol

"Why do you look so afraid Max?"

Tilly

Abi Pearce

Worcester

"I don't have a problem with daddy"

Doctor Livesey

Warwick Wagner

St Anne's

"Different types of daddy issues"

Barney

Jwalika Balaji

St Anne's

"False imprisonment, at the very least."

Bill Bailiff

Paul Becsi

Oriel

"Princess and furry, the two genders"

The Pirates

Long John Silver

Rebecca Harper

Wadham

"Seamen sommelier"

Medium Joan Silver

Aleks Matkowska

Keble

"Do I want Steve or piss?"

Mee

Rafael Armstrong

St Catz

"Personally I'm not pathetic, but I'm an ally"

Potts

Chris Chang

St Anne's

"Back in the closet"

Hands

Fabian Bourdeaux

St Anne's

"Star crossed twinks"

Luke

Rohan Selva-Radov

Merton

"Wages? That’s… kind of cool."

Jane

Maiya Kowaleska

Magdalen

"I love dead bodies"

Jenny

Danann Kilburn

Oriel

"In this world, it's peg or be pegged"

Izzy

Alice Goyer

St Peter's

"Incompetents anytime"

Sally

Valerina Tjandra

Trinity

"You don't know how wild my dreams are"

Jo

Ali Witheford

Magdalen

"It's so hard for me to stop slaying"

Jacky

Bíbor Batki

"Warwick is bendable"

Captain Billy Bones

Em Fawcett

Wadham

"Have I been stabbed?"

Captain Small

Fen Brunt

"You like cadaver? I don't blame you"

The BATS

Peter

Teddy Farrand

Oriel

"The B in LGBT stands for box step"

Pepper

Tom Onslow

Mansfield

"Dogging is not in the BATS constitution"

Posie

Lydia Hoggarth

Keble

"The most rancid looking courgette"

Piper

Beth Longworth

Corpus Christi

"I'm doing hips and breasts"

Pickle

Sebastian Morson

St Anne's

"I've got flesh on the brain"

The Magical Beings

Fairy Liquid

Lily Massey

Pembroke

"Insert groan"

Fairy Cake

Heledd Newton

LMH

"What's the point in driving if you're not drinking"

Polly

Libby Alldread

Corpus Christi

"Finger sniffin' good"

Millie the Mermaid

Em Fawcett

Wadham

"Give me the money"

Ghoulie

Ekin Pehlivan

"Scream after you bust"

Ghostie

Zhao Yi Lin

Univ

"You transparent waste of ectoplasm"

Crew

Direction

Director

Amy Hemsworth

Univ

"Silence in the cupboard"

Assistant Directors

Danann Kilburn

Oriel

"God knows we wouldn't want to be accused of bestiality"

Warwick Wagner

St Anne's

"We're not the French!!"

Writing

Writer

Jake Caudwell

"Exeunt, pursued by a parrot"

Script Editors

Warwick Wagner

St Anne's

"When I say 'straight man' I'm never talking about sexuality"

Dave Street

LMH

"Gotta bring patriarchy back to Barbieland"

Maiya Kowalewska

Magdalen

"That's long"

Production

Producer

Freddie Houlahan

Balliol

"In the hall of the Condiment King"

Production Manager

Lily Massey

Pembroke

"Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's that sickly glow"

Production Assistants

Warwick Wagner

St Anne's

"Really excited to be threatened with swords"

Dave Street

LMH

"That request is so f*cking reasonable"

Cecilia Twigger

Regent's Park

"Sad squelch of a fool"

Stage Manager

Fen Brunt

"My blood is definitely cheaper than Dave's"

Assistant Stage Manager

Rosie Robinson

"The big strong lesbian"

Co-Tech Directors

Libby Alldread

Corpus Christi

"The wine looks like water and the champagne looks like piss"

Kai Wray

Univ

"I'll try to say something funny"

Costume Designer

Beth Longworth

Corpus Christi

"Dungeon Mummy"

Marketing

Marketing Manager

Freddie Houlahan

Balliol

"Jesus says eat chips"

Marketing Assistants

Max Northcott

"Twink gremlin over here"

Fabian Bourdeaux

St Anne's

"Oh to be a pigeon"

Trailer Director/Editor

Max Northcott

"You're my slutty mummy"

Graphic Designer

Weronika Galka

St John's

"Making moves on the topic of torture"

Music

Music Director

Aleks Matkowska

Keble

"Sopranos don't get the D"

Assistant Music Directors

Patrick Painter

St Anne's

"Your mum's got a right pair of Peaky Blinders"

Fabian Bourdeaux

St Anne's

"Can hit that note so well that it hits right back"

Choreographer

Wren Talbot-Ponsonby

St Hugh's

"Can they clump"

Fight Choreographer

Bíbor Batki

"I always wanted glittery tits"

Pianist

Patrick Painter

St Anne's

"The piss de resistance"

Accordionist

Wren Talbot-Ponsonby

St Hugh's

"I've unsubscribed from autism"

Other

Make-up Artist

Beth Longworth

Corpus Christi

"All I've done today is make tits"

Welfare Officer

Uğur Özcan

Jesus

"The real STI was the friends we made along the way"

Venue Coordinator

Patrick Painter

St Anne's

"Are you anything but a drunk?"

Songs

Yo Ho Hoes

Fabian Bourdeaux

St Anne's

"Have you heard of this thing called choking"

What about Anne Bonny

Fabian Bourdeaux

St Anne's

"We need to add more slay to it"

Aleks Matkowska

Keble

"Might as well just whack"

The Parrot-y

Jake Caudwell

"The same notes, except different"

A Pirate's Life for Me

Patrick Painter

St Anne's

"Even more frantic and deranged than usual"

The Rescue Song

Jenny Sloyan

LMH

"I always just thought of Carrie as a birthing entity"

Vincent Chen

Lincoln

"Mommy jokes are always a possibility "

Selena Wang

Stormy Weather

Fen Brunt

"It's either guts or bones"

A Map After Midnight

Amy Hemsworth

Univ

"How many of the pirates have souls?"

Jake Caudwell

"Just stop talking"

Tinker-belle of the Ball

Aleks Matkowska

Keble

"Who needs the French"

The Final Song

Em Fawcett

LMH

"It's beneath you"