The Panto that goes Meh

Michaelmas 2024

A thoroughly mediocre adaptation of Snow White and the five stages of grief and the two symptoms of hayfever. This will show the classic fairy tale with all the twists and drama that you remember, even if there are a few more knob gags added along the way. The performers are ready, the stage has been set, so don’t delay, come and see for yourself the beauty of Snow White, we hear she really is a complete knockout…

Money raised:

TBA

Charities:

Recording

Cast

Castle

Snow White

Molly Spurgeon

Worcester

"I'm too hot to play chess"

Evil Queen

Becky Roodt

St Catz

"That's a fine yeast infection"

Cam

Beth Longworth

Corpus Christi

"I put the 'cam' in camp, you get the P later"

Mirror

Greg Dain

Worcester

"The things I'd do if I was a Florida Man"

Prince

Sebastian Morson

St Anne's

"I want to be a parasitic isopod"

Prance

Phoebe Saunders

LMH

"I'm a man ally"

King

Jake Brown

Mansfield

"Sometimes it's easier to be a single entity"

Bits

Maiya Kowalewska

Magdelen

"Honestly, with you people"

Bobs

Katie Oke

Magdelen

"I need my frogs real"

Knick

Liubava Beloprosova

LMH

"I'm starting to think you don't know what gossip is"

Knack

Macey Pattenden

Worcester

"Shove a baby through a letterbox"

Table

Tom Onslow

Mansfield

"No we can't have a dildo in the show Danann"

Lamp

Kilian King

Oriel

"So good at being impersonal and/or cold"

Dames & Narrator

Ophelia Yessica

Raf Armstrong

St Catz

"Masc but in a nice way"

Evie Hyndew

Danann Kilburn

"His penis defies gravity. It's also very small"

Narrator

Thomas Yates

"Thank goodness I don't have any cancellable quotes

Dwarves

Denial

Anais Schadinsky-Hammes

Queen's

"Karl Marx makes me dance"

Anger

Pushti Patel

Bargaining

Dan Beck

Queen's

"Of course I'd like to tell off Max"

Depression

Timi Fang

LMH

"The only knife I have is a kitchen spoon"

Acceptance

Alice Taylor

"That's what OULES is about... incest!"

Sneezy

Max Northcott

"Mpreg if it was a woman"

Immeasurable Suffering

Freddie Houlahan

"The benefits of having a little back pain is having people sit on you"

Town

Michael

Teddy Farrand

Oriel

"You put my son in the centrifuge"

Hilary

Criff Morson

Oriel

"Misogyny"

Trinity

Abi Pearce

Worcerster

"You're the daddy of my daddy"

Vicar

Max Northcott

"Government mandated tits"

Crier

Macey Pattenden

Worcester

"Once you box step you never normal step"

New York

Kaylee Poon

Exeter

"I'm so done with puberty"

London

Tom Onslow

Mansfield

"I hate Catholicism!!!!!"

Paris

Jess Harriss

"I am cooked cooked"

Rio

Radek Żak

Christ Church

"Rice is nice it rhymes"

Llanfair

Angus Collingridge Watt

Hertford

"I don't know man"

Villager Six

Em Fawcett

"I love when children get cancer"

Stage Manager

Remy Billington

"I'm still dilly dallying"

Paddy

Jake Gausden

"No, my God Hat!"

Models

Old Model

Katie Oke

Magdelen

New Model

Maiya Kowalewska

Magdelen

"Embrace the sluttiness"

Borrowed Model

Macey Pattenden

Worcester

"In Africa rules don't apply"

Blue Model

Angus Collingridge Watt

Hertford

"I have a penis I don't need to make one"

Crew

Direction

Director

Libby Alldread

Corpus Christ

"I think I'm having a stroke"

Assistant Directors

Patrick Painter

"Well done on doing what we asked"

Ekin Pehlivan

"The welfare director"

Writing

Writers

Raf Armstrong

St Catz

"Ooo you're a big girl"

Tom Onslow

Mansfield

"Shut the fuck up Raf"

Script Editors

Teddy Farrand

Oriel

"I own my problematic past of two minutes ago"

Danann Kilburn

"In the night garden prefigures game of thrones"

Katie Oke

Magdelen

Freddie Houlahan

"My liver is living"

Production

Production Manager

Lily Massey

Pembroke

"Going down in production glory"

Production Assistants

Em Fawcett

"Ekin's very good friend"

Amy Hemsworth

Univ

"Good luck on your Sisyphean quests, whatever they may be"

Stage Manager

Amy Hemsworth

Univ

"That's so sexy, I should tell grandma"

Assistant Stage Manager

Sebastian Morson

St Anne's

"What's full of horse but still holds water?"

Sound Designer

Libby Alldread

Corpus Christi

"It's gay both ways"

Lighting Designer

Abi Pearce

Worcester

"Did I tell you my children are incesting"

Costume Designer

Beth Longworth

Corpus Christi

"I'm sure we can think of something else problematic"

Costume Assistant

Em Fawcett

"She bobs on my bits"

Marketing

Marketing Manager

Maiya Kowalewska

Magdelen

"Say it's for charity, people love charity"

Marketing Assistants

Evie Holloway

"Apologies for my absence, it was the goop"

Freddie Houlahan

"I have to side with Nazis on this one"

Poster

Evie Holloway

Music

Music Director

Patrick Painter

"Baby's first communist revolution"

Associate Music Director

Chris Chang

"Can we put a VR headset on the OULE"

Choreographer

Rebecca Harper

Wadham

"I feel Kate Bush in me"

Pianist

Patrick Painter

"You sound schizophrenic"

Other

Welfare Officer

Beth Longworth

Corpus Christi

"Have you come to get a disease from me?"

Venue Coordinator

Libby Alldread

Corpus Christi

Songs

Morning Castletown

Radek Żak

Christ Church

"Wait, two quotes?"

Fairest Of Them All

Katie Oke

Magdelen

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Camper

Raf Armstrong

St Catz

"You've heard of pansexual, get ready for doorsexual"

Danann Kilburn

"Nothing turns me on like the shrill sound of a landlord"

Final Master Plan

Tom Onslow

Mansfield

Patrick Painter

"More pained and less squawk"

You Complete Me

Vincent Chen

Lincoln

"Patrick et al. will figure it out"

Yi Lin Zhao

Their Special Day

Bibor Batki

"Not the Slough slander!"

Ben Batki

Do You Hear The People Whinge?

Em Fawcett

"Yip, and I must say, pee"

We Are Saved

Patrick Painter

"I can offer you a coma"